Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Funny woman
I was lying on the sofa last night and I said to the missus, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens to me, just pull the plug."She got got up, unplugged the telly and emptied my bottle of beer down the sink in the kitchen. Some women possess no sense of humour whatsoever.
Drug free
Due to worries about organised crime, police and public officials in Amsterdam are going to shut down many of the cities famous brothels and drug-friendly "coffee shops." I really think this is a bad idea - it's going to make many people unemployed, and in these tough times they may be forced to turn to desperate measures to make ends meet.... like prostitution and selling drugs.
Joke 2
An armless man walked into a pub which was empty except for the landlord. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the landlord if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms. The landlord obliged him. He then asked if the landlord would tip the glass to his lips. The landlord did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the landlord would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The landlord did it and commented, “It must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for you?”The man said, “Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is the toilet?”The landlord quickly replied, “the closest one is in the petrol station, about half a mile down the road.”
Joke 1
The barman is stocking the shelves in preparation for opening time, when the landlord appears. He inspects the premises and asks the barman what the chalk marks on the billiard table are for. The barman says, "sorry guv, some of the lads were measuring their cocks on there last night, to see who had the biggest. I forgot to wipe them off, I'll do it in a sec".He then went out the back to get some bottles. The landlord looked around to see that no one was looking and got his dick out. He laid it on the side of the table and was chuffed as fuck to see his cock extend beyond the furthest chalk mark. When the barman came back, the landlord said, "Oi Fred, get a look at this, I beat the bastards by a fucking mile!" "Sorry to disappoint you guv", says the barman, "but they were measuring from the other end!"
Work
They've brought in a new rule at work: no drinking at your desk. I'm not too worried about it - there's 78 other desks here.
Drugs
My younger brother's an example of what can happen to people who get involved with drugs...A porsche and his own house by the age of 20.
Fary
A woman leaning at the bar said to me "I love the strong silent type"."You mean a man like me?""No, farts, like the one I've just done!"
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
It’s yoga o’clock somewhere, amiright? (38 Photos)
It’s yoga o’clock somewhere, amiright? (38 Photos)
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Wait, What? `No Toking' Signs Banned In Amsterdam
The city of Amsterdam will likely have to stub out the "no toking" signs it introduced in a crackdown on marijuana-smoking youth. The Dutch government's top legal adviser ruled that the city had no right to establish official zones where smoking weed is banned, since it's already theoretically illegal in the Netherlands.am
The Dutch government's top legal adviser ruled that the city had no right to establish official zones where smoking weed is banned, since it's already theoretically illegal in the Netherlands.
In practice, possession of small amounts of the drug is allowed, and it is sold openly in designated shops.
When the policy was introduced in 2007, the city put up signs to declare the "no toking" zones. The signs portrayed cone-shaped cigarette being rolled, with little marijuana leaves in the background – inside a bold red circle. They were stolen so often as collectors' items the city opened its own merchandise line and began offering them itself for euro90 ($125) apiece.
City spokeswoman Iris Reshef acknowledged Wednesday's ruling likely means the signs must go, but she noted it specified the city can still issue fines to young smokers who cause problems.
"The measures we have taken can remain in place," Reshef said. "Just the signs cannot be there."
The signs were originally hung up around an area of one of the city's poorest neighborhoods, called "De Baarsjes," but residents in a wealthier part of the city also wanted to use the signs, leading to the case being sent to the Council of State.
Since the Amsterdam policy was introduced, other towns and cities have also introduced "no toking" zones.
Amsterdam has long had an image as a freewheeling haven for pot smokers because of its numerous "coffee shops" where marijuana is sold and smoked by locals and tourists alike.
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The national government also is chipping away at the Netherlands' longstanding tolerance toward cannabis with measures including a plan to make coffee shops members-only clubs only open to Dutch residents.
Linda Christian, the actress who first brought the iconic "Bond girl" to life in the 1954 television version of Casino Royale, died on Friday. She passed away in Palm Desert at the age of 87 from colon cancer. The Mexican-born actress signed a 7-year contract with major studio MGM in the 1940s. Life coined the Hollywood scarlet the "atomic bomb" because of her curvaceous figure, reports ABC.
Christian, who was born Blanca Rose Welter, starred opposite Barry Nelson in the Bond film. She got her film debut in the 1944 film, Up in Arms, alongside Danny Kaye.
She had two daughters, Taryn and Romina Power, with her first husband, Tyrone Power, reports NBC New York. They divorced in 1956 after seven years of marriage.
Christian's other film credits include Green Dolphin Street and Tarzan and the Mermaids
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